Tidings of What? Yeah, Joy

So, at 4:05 AM on December 23rd, I have two hours left to pack, clean my dishes, make my apartment presentable and yeah, I have to shower and be ready to leave for the airport at 6 AM. Hopefully, this blog entry won't consume more than 25 minutes. We can only see....

I have been mourning , as I have been weeping over a good friend--Dont' worry, I know he is in a much better place! But I have jars all over my apartment in honor of him, but I can't quite encapsulate what I would have said to him, if I could have had just one more conversation with him. I might have said a million things-- I always find so much to ramble about-I don't know why. I wonder what he might have told me and if it would have made me re-evaulate my priorities. They seem to be squeezing me--just like that wierd scene in Star-Wars, where all the characters are in the huge trash compactor and it squeezes them closer and closer together. Ironically (?), this makes me think about Goonies and the fact that they had limited choices at every breaking point, and they always mangaged to make it to the next part of the puzzle. So yeah, I feel like I have something really big to solve and I'm looking around and instead of seeing people all around me, I have suddenly realized that I have been pushing everyone away.

Ah-ha!

And why is that? (That's what Rick or Joe or Mr. Bowers would say to me) I know it's because I sought independence in the big city of NY and somewhere along the journey, I looked back and forgot exactly how far I've come and where I came from....

I will not lie, I will not pretend that I am perfect, I am treading on difficult waters. I need to know that I am not alone. Myspace, yahoo, g-mail, blogspot, aim, all these technological venues to connect to people and yet, I feel so disconnected.

Hmmm....

So, I'm going home with a trepidation spilling over and running into what I hope will be a good trip home.

I want to be able to celebrate this past year...seeing my brother for the first time after 14 years (We were unfortunately estranged), meeting my adorable nephew, being a part of my nephew's 1st. 2nd, and 3rd birhtdays, finishing 600 hours of internship, completing my graduate assistantship, finishing my ninth yearbook (with a wonderful staff), graduating, with my MA in Art Therapy, dating (yeah, I have to include that one), getting my first job with benefits (and waking up early each day-it's still not easy), getting a studio apartment in NY and moving all my stuff in a station wagon (7 exhausting trips), attending my 10 year HS reunion (And wondering why that was so important for me to attend), voting in my first election in NY, helping to organize another ARTalum exhibit and being a part of a community that cares about inspiring change, remembering the legacy of Crispin Webb, completing event after event for my job, but still being most proud of seeing student leaders graduate and walk out the doors of a university and into a whole new world to create change and possibilitities to become a more compassionate human race, and.... last but not least, creating painting after painting and poem after poem (hopefully be seen and heard in 2007, yeah-that would be nice).

I am looking forward to getting a second job...that will help me transition to the next stage of my life...which might include going back to school for another MA or doctorate. Time will tell, I'm not in a rush...so what if I have a few gray hairs and I will be turning 30 in June. I'm about to begin my 30's and I'm hoping that I'll build more bridges than I've previously burned. I hope that I'll continue to become on this journey...

So, yeah, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannakuh, and good tidings to you and your family. Please keep our troops in your thoughts and if you think about it, find a way to show them some love. They need it.

Until Next year!
Kim

Currently listening : Strange and Beautiful By Aqualung Release